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Bob & Tom

Tom Speak

 
Tom Speak
Posted March 17th, 2014 @ 9:44am

When Tom Griswold speaks, sometimes the words don't come to him as quickly as he'd like. But as a professional broadcaster, he knows he still has to paint a picture using any part of the English language he can muster up. Occasionally this process works like a charm and nobody notices... but then again, sometimes it doesn't. Listed below are some of Tommy G's more memorable phrases, along with their English translations.

When Tom Says

He Means...

   

A

 

Adult Dancing Bar

Strip Club

Aggressively Naked

Indecent Exposure

Air Donut

Innertube

Alligator Guy

Crocodile Hunter

Amateur Singing Show

"American Idol"

Arrow Deal

Computer Cursor

Ass Surgeon

Proctologist

   

B

 

Bath Gel and Squirter Thing

Liquid Soap

Bathrobe with a Special Belt

Karate Gi

Batman Thing Projected on the Sky

Bat Signal

Beautiful Marionettes

Puppets

Big Pile of Hay

Hay Stack

The Big Pipe

High Speed Internet Connection

Big Donut Thing You Pull With a Boat

Tube

Billboard

Movie Poster

Blow-up Fun Hut

Bounce House

Blue Thing on My Bed

Comforter

Body Holder

Casket

Book With a Lot of Stuff You Want to Buy

Catalog

Box With a Turntable in It

Record Player

Bracelet on Your Neck

Necklace

Breath machine

Breathalyzer

Built in TV Thing

DVD Player in a Car

   

C

 

Camera You Can E-Mail

Digital Camera

Car Store

Car Dealership

Casserole Thing

Pot Pie

Chihuahua Cut

Brazilian Wax

   

D

 

Dance Hall

Night Club

Dance Where Hands Tell a Story

Hula Dance

Davenport

Sofa

DNA Show

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation"

Doctor Suit

Lab Coat

Dodgem Cars

Bumper Cars

Dope Man

Drug Dealer

Driver of a Plane

Pilot

Dr. Evil Movies

Austin Powers

   

E

 

E-mail Thing

Computer

Earpods

Earbuds

Ear Thing

Bluetooth

Electronic Switcher Things

Remote Control

   

F

 

Fake Beer

Non-Alcoholic Beer

Fart Bag

Whoopee Cushion

Floating Raft Where You Gamble

Riverboat Gambling

Filler-up Gizmo

Gas Tank

Flame Boy

The Human Torch

Flip-Flop Gizmo

Blinds

Flip-Socks

Water Socks

Flying Bucket

Cherry Picker

Flying on the Thing With the Hook

Aircraft Carrier

Foam Thing

Cooler

Football Slacks

Football Pants

Fourth Base

Home Plate

Frisbee Kids

Boomerang Kids

Fun Hut

Bounce House

   

G

 

Guitar Mechanic

Guitar Teck

   

H

 

Hair Bag

Hair Net

Hair Sauce

Hair Gel

Hair Sprinkles

Highlights

Hair Therapist

Hair Stylist

Haunted Thing

Haunted House

Head Thing

Letter Head

High Boots

Go-Go Boots

High-Test Feul

Premium Feul

Hooma Hooma

Abracadabra

Hose With the Flippers On It

Fountain Drink

Hulk Hogan

The Incredible Huylk

   

I

 

Internet Thing

Web Browser

iPod Scramble

iPod Shuffle

   

J

 

Jousting Stick

Lance

   

L

 

Lawnmower Thing

Segway Scooter

Lion Tamer Guys

Siegfried & Roy

Long Handled Beer

Long Neck Bottles

Long Things with Legs

Pantyhose

Looftwoofa

Loofah

Lump at the Bottom of a Blimp

Gondola

   

M

 

Meat, It's What's For Dinner

Beef, It's What's for Dinner

Meatball

Meat Loaf (the singer)

Measuring Stick

Yard Stick

Medical People

Doctors

Monkery

Monastery

Movie Where People Turn Into Monsters

"Men in Black II"

Mrs. Queen

Your Highness

   

N

 

Ninja Frisbee

Throwing Stars

Normal Daytime Stuff

Business Hours

Nun Suit

Habbit

   

P

 

Pants That Tie at the Top

Draw String Pants

Parachute Thing with a Boat

Parasail

Pasta Cheese Food

Spaghetti

Pass Around

Handout

Pennies

Jerseys

Perch That Sports Guys Braodcast From

Broadcast Booth

Photo Taken When You're Arrested

Mug Shot

Physical Doctor Type Person

Proctologist

Pilot of the Ship

Captain

Place Where They Stack Cars

Parking Garage

Pool Pants

Swimming Suit

Pouch of Goo

Placenta

Prickers

Thorns

Professional Hair Cut Person

Barber

Pulling Stunts

Adultery

Push Basket

Shopping Cart

   

R

 

Really Long Carpet Remnants

Rug

Rehearsing For a Game

Football Practice

Roving Lawnmower Thing

Segway

Rubber Micheline Man Looking Thing

Kong Dog Toy

Running Machine

Treadmill

   

S

 

Say it Ain't True Roy

Say it Ain't So, Joe

Sandpaper Stick

Emery Board

Shaving Sauce

Shaving Cream

Show Where People Have Their Own Music

"Peter & the Wolf"

Sit-Down Tricycle

Big Wheel

Snore Bands

Breathe-Rite Strips

Sonar

Ultrasound

Space Fabric

Polyester

Space Sword

Light Saber (From "Star Wars")

Specialized Eye Stuff

Eye Glasses

Spinner Thing

Centrifuge

Statue With Pants On

Mannequin

Stick and Telescope Guys

Surveyors

Stick-inner Thing

Cell Phone Charger Plug

Sticks on the Front of a House

Pillars

Stick Thing

The Club (auto-theft device)

Stint You do Overseas

Tour of Duty

Stuff That Goes in Your Printer

Ink

Sunburn Thing

Tanning Bed

Super Bowl VIP

Super Bowl MVP

Swimmy Water things

Water Wings

Swivel Bucket

Skip Loader

   

T

 

Tacos As Big As Your Face

Burritos As Big As Your Head

Talking Machine in the Car

GPS Navigator

The French Bike Thing

Tour de France

Thing That Tells You Who's Calling

Caller ID

Thing That Holds Shows for You

On-Demand Service

Thingy With the Pads

Defibrillator

Thing You Rub

Genie Lamp

Tractor Beam

Satellite Signal

Train Driver

Engineer

Trousers

Football Pants

Truck Bed Pan

Truck Bed Liner

Truck with a Little Bucker on It

Cherry Picker

Turferfen

Turducken

   

U

 

Underground Cops

Undercover Cops

Underpants

Underwear

   

W

 

Water Clown

Clown Diver

Water Fluffer

Jacuzzi

Weird Beard Religion

Greek Orthodox

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